Below a picture of a young Kneefish… a very, very, VERY young kneefish to be honest
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This Month’s spotlight is focused squarely on two who are quickly becoming the Dynamic Duo of Environmental protest and awareness, Jeffery Clearmountain and Nessa Bongagner.
Already Environmental Superstars as individuals, paired together these two have become a force for the good of Creatures who cannot defend themselves from man’s destructive hand.
A Naturalists History
Jeffery Clearmountain comes from a family steeped in the tradition of Naturalism with his great Uncle being none other Jeffery O’Clairmont, famed anchorcameraman for the National Scientific Stuff sponsored, Loch Nasty Expedition, designed to finally reveal the truth of the Legendary Kneemonster of Loch Nasty for which so many have searched in the past.
Bongagner’s past is no less storied, for she comes from a gypsy heritage and is descended from a clan who fought tirelessly against the Soviet Union of Canada regime infamous for over-exploiting the natural resources available to them often even to the exclusion of common sense.
A Match for the Ages
The Pair met in College where Clearmountain was studying Medieval Rock Concert promoting while Bongagner was majoring in Environmental terrorism for corporate gain and Minoring in Ancient Viking Knitting. (Many a corporate and government spokesman has often publicly mused that she’d she would have been better off had she stuck to that career path, rather than the one she chose)
The College days were fraught all sorts of wild adventure including an ill-fated weekend expedition to the farthest Northern Reaches of Canada where they flew out on to the icepack. The Plan was to use themselves as human shields between the evil Nickolai Nickersonov and the very endangered Artic Kneemonster during the annual hunt held by Nickersonov in honour of the first Artic Kneemonster Hunt by his Great Grandfather (? Further research is required. Tradition was not the only motive for the hunt however, as well profit from the sale of the baby Arctic Kneemonsters brilliant white plumage was a compelling reason for the hunt, baby Arctic Kneemonster plumage being long sought after through much of Europe as delicacy for people with very weird tastes. (It should be noted that baby Arctic Kneemonster plumage has no differing qualities of any sort from the plumage of Adult Arctic Kneemonsters, but the reason the adult version not being hunted is plainly obvious if you’ve seen one of the big ugly buggers.)
Paved with Good intentions
In theory, the idea of painting baby Kneemonsters fluorescent orange was a sound one. Not only did it ruin the monetary value of the plumage but there was an expected reduction on baby Kneemonster/Snowmobile nighttime accidents forthcoming. Alas however, the plan in practice was foiled for the pair when they inadvertently sprayed the ceremonial Kneemonster of the small but very violent Inuit tribe known as the Manthornitus.
Oops, that could have went better
The Manthornatus were none too pleased with their new bright orange monument to a benevolent spirit (Brother Kneemonster being the spirit responsible for making fish dumb enough not to migrate south in the winter) and considered the well meaning pair as little better than the hated Nickersonov at that point. Considering that during last years hunt, they used a trebuchet to hurl four dozen incontinent walruses on to Nickersonov’s ship in protest, the attitude towards Clearmountain and Bongagner was “cool” to say the least.
It was rather hastily decided (undercover of darkness) that the pair should work on the Arctic Kneemonster’s behalf in other ways far away from the icepack or at least out of trebuchet range and the pair were carried South that night.
Better Times
A Defining moment for the pair occurred when while on holiday in Japan to
attend a SICK concert, they protested the original Godzilla movie and the poor light it shone on the creature. Arguing that it wasn’t his fault that he wrecked Tokyo it was Tokyo’s fault for encroaching on Godzilla’s habitat, They further went on to put forth that Tokyo be abandoned and turned in to a protected habitat for Godzilla given that he, the one remaining giant fire breathing lizard, was so close to extinction.
The veracity of their belief on the subject was not lessened one iota by the later revelation the creature was purely fictional and no apology for splashing fake green Godzilla blood on the Japanese Prime Minister was forthcoming
It is for this reason that neither are allowed on Japanese soil to this very day.
The Clash that may define their careers.
Currently the Situation requiring all of this “Dynamic Duo’s “attention is the Plight of the once plentiful Ocean Going Tiger of the Aral sea. The Reasons are many for the hard time the Ocean Going Tiger has to endure, not the least of which is the fact that the Aral Sea dried up years ago.
Chief among the reasons for concern however, is the largest player in the international Tigering industry, the Wealthy (and most decidedly evil) Nickamura Nickersan.
As sworn Enemies of the Evil Nickamura Nickersan , (Owner of the Largest Ocean going tigering fleet outside of the Soviet Union of Canada,) Clearmountain and Bongagner have been devoting all of their energy and resources toward frustrating the Ocean going Tiger fleet. An Armada already under pressure due to the earlier alluded to disappearance of the Aral Sea.
This all came to head one hot August day as Nickamura Nickersan in his massive Tigering flagship chased Clearmountain and Bongagner’s zodiac in a very slow pursuit across what amounts to a very large dry salt flat.
It takes a certain amount of courage (The amount of stupid you have to be however, is uncertain) to face a mighty Russian Tigering ship down with little more than a rubber dinghy and a Swiss army knife but Clearmountain and Bongagner both did it and lived to tell the tale. This despite Clearmountain’s apprehension about being on the water at all given the fate that befell his aforementioned Great Uncle, Jeffery O’Clairmont of the now infamous Loch Nasty expedition.
This has been the only bone of contention in an otherwise flawless relationship. (Bongagner is on record as having very little sympathy for Clearmountain’s fear given the amount of water in the Aral Sea.)
Despite this, they have worked well enough together to have gained the upper hand and the trade of ocean going tiger related by-products (including the treasure allegedly found in their bellies) has been banned in countries throughout the European Union. For his part, Nickamura Nickersan has vowed to continue hunting the tigers and seeks new markets in the Far East. Clearmountain and Bongagner have both vowed to see this fight through in both the courts and the large salty puddle that remains of the Aral Sea…