Following Sunrise

National Scientific Stuff Magazine will take you now, down the same garden path that the famed Buddhist, Sunrise Di’Vu took on his pilgrimage from India to China and then on to Japan spreading his own particular flavour of Buddhism as he went. Although Sunrise espoused nothing but words of peace and tranquility, it was often the case that anything but, dogged his every step.

 The Early Years

Despite his optimistic sounding name, Sunrise had a troubled childhood, orphaned at the age of eight, when his parents died tragically when they were eaten by a rare herd of carnivorous giraffes (who, at the time, were all extinct in the world with the exception of Sunrise’s native India.) The experience soured young Sunrise’s outlook on life (Especially concerning giraffes) an attitude that was only changed by the teachings of the Buddhist faith he was later to adopt.

 His situation magnified the natural affinity for young boys to find trouble and the Young Sunrise soon faltered, choosing a path of  mischief and delinquency   A bit of a bad little bugger, Sunrise was eventually forced to seek  refuge from local authorities in a nearby Buddhist temple.

 It wasn’t all smooth sailing from there however. Despite being a devout worshipper and soon distinguishing himself as a brilliant Buddhist philosopher, Sunrise was beginning to find himself at odds with the elder monks of the Temple over what some describe as the first recorded environmental issue in history; specifically, the treatment of the Kneemonster by the “Old-School” Buddhist religion.

 In this excerpt from the Kneemonster Chronicles, there was a very specific (and cruel) ritual regarding the Kneemonster that didn’t sit well with young Sunrise at all.

 The Kneemonster in India

 Much like the cow, the Kneemonster has a revered place in Indian Religion. Unlike the cow however, who enjoys such benefits like not being touched or being referred to in only the most glowing of terms. Indian religion requires that every caste in Indian society, when sighting a knee monster, must immediately grab it by the genitals and throw it as far away as possible. This is considered a great honour for the knee monster by the Indian people and the story is retold of Buddha on his early morning pilgrimage to the bathroom,

stubbing his toe on a knee monster and uttering what later would become the first curse word in the Indian language.

 After flinging the knee monster, the ceremony is complete when the whole family sits down, shares an entire litre of milk, and sets a peanut butter sandwich on fire while chanting “It’s Buddha’s way”.

 The Teen Years

 Used to fending for himself, Sunrise was quick to speak out against the ancient practice and was very vocally critical about the Buddhist establishment in their stubbornly clinging to an outdated and seemingly illogical dogma. Sunrise argued that it was not the Kneemonster’s fault the Buddha tripped over it that morning rather the blame fell squarely on the Buddha himself.

 From the pages of  “The Kneemonster Chronicles”

 It was Di’Vu’s contention that rather than be vilified by the people of India for stubbing the Buddha’s toe, The Kneemonster should be cherished for preventing the Buddha from tripping over something more dangerous (such as the now extinct Corkscrew backed Hedgehog … Hunted to extinction by the wine industry, the Hedgehog was the main export of India until man made cork screws took over in the late 1700’s) 

 Di’Vu also surmised that if the Buddha weren’t so darn clumsy, he might have avoided this whole nasty business in the first place.

 The Buddhist Establishment was equally quick to point out that Sunrise was breaking several very important Buddhist rules and would be really wise to keep his yap shut.

 The threat thoroughly disenchanted Di’Vu and having grown from being a bad little bugger in childhood to being a bad little bugger as a teenager, the defiant (and some would say, pretty darn rude) Sunrise was actively campaigning against the Buddhist temple leadership. Being both charismatic and eloquent, Sunrise quickly gathered a following of like minded youth and this “counter culture” grew large enough to catch the eye of India’s  King at the time, SanJay Nickerson.

 A Screeching Halt

 Sanjay, as a ruler, was many things (Mostly, we believe, because of some mental disorder) but a tolerant person wasn’t one of them. So he sent some of his burliest emissaries to the Buddhist leadership of the day and told them fairly impolitely to make Sunrise “shut his yap.” This was all the motivation they needed ..

 This contentious stand did not sit well with the Indian populace who were not comfortable with a Deity who tripped over stuff and thus Di’Vu was advised to seek followers in the next continent over if at all possible. This advice came attached to the point of a spear so our man Sunrise heeded with much relish.

 At odds with the classic Indian Buddhist teachings about the Kneemonster and shunned by both his church and the Indian establishment at large, Sunrise quickly sought to revise the history of Buddha’s experience with the Kneemonster and after some consideration, followed the Silk Route from His Hometown Kahrgovan in to the mountains of the Himalayas through Tibet fleeing the persecution.

 From the pages of  “The Kneemonster Chronicles”

 The Pilgrimage to China

 After looking closely at a map, Di’Vu soon discovered that the Next continent over was the Pacific Ocean and angrily said “Hey!”  Unable to head back, he decided to try his luck in China.

 Coming of Age

 During his time in Tibet Sunrise learned many things that both heightened his appreciation for life and nature. Soon he had sharpened his already substantial skills at oration and persuasion and at the end of Sunrise’s time in Tibet, he and a large, devoted and enthusiastic following went further north from the Tibetan town of Ting Tang Rattle Ratlle Crash Bang (Loosely translated from ancient Tibetan to English as  “Silverware that falls down the stairs”) and joined a caravan that was on its way to  the Dauj Province of China

 Sunrise’s Pilgrimage in the Dauj Caravan along the Silk Road

 Caravan Life agreed with Sunrise and as the Merry band of  Philosophers, artists, poets, weavers of clothing,  “Unorthodox” Buddhists and their students traveled east, Sunrise had ample opportunity to relax, contemplate man’s relationship to wildlife, his responsibility to the world around him…ohh and smoke a boatload of opium along the way…

 Arrival in China

 In this excerpt from the Kneemonster Chronicles, we get a good enough picture of Sunrise’s reception on the new religious frontier.

 Di’Vu found the religious climate much different than in India and when telling stories of the Buddha found much more sympathetic ears to the Kneemonster’s plight. This was the result of an amazing coincidence for a similar story was told about the Asian Kneemonster in Chinese folklore only instead of Buddha tripping over the Kneemonster, It’s a story about the evil spirit Eesdatyu who, while invading the home of innocent Chinese was thwarted by the protective Spirit San-t-klaws who take the form of an Asian Kneemonster. Therefore in China at that time, whenever an Asian Kneemonster crosses a person’s path, they were required by law to kick a fat guy and feed the Kneemonster a fortune cookie FORTUNE AND ALL!

 Di’Vu was certainly smart enough to take advantage of this newly found good will towards the Kneemonster and his opinion of it and put himself forward as a holy man who could track the evil spirit and tell the San-ti-klaws whose houses to protect. When asked how San-ti-Klaws would know when he was needed, Di’Vu replied “San-ti-Klaws says He knows when you are sleeping and when you are Awake.”

 I was not long before Di’Vu developed a devoted following and gained much recognition and attention from the peasantry and nobility alike.

 Di’Vu and the M’an- Thorne Dynasty

 That sort of widespread devotion wasn’t long in being noticed by none other than the emperor of the time, Bingbanbuum M’an-Thorne, M’an- Thorne himself held great belief in the spirits ( Especially a local wine made by some Italian fellows who were really, really, REALLY lost ) and was very interested in starting a philosophical dialogue with Di,Vu. Through the course of many meetings, M’an- Thorne found himself agreeing with many of the teachings of Buddha and the new “Kneemonster friendly” Strain of Buddhism began to take hold in China

 With That, Di’Vu became one of the most exalted of religious men in all of China and unknowingly set the M’an-Thorne Dynasty on a course to war.

 Waning Days

 After spending much time in China with the Manthornians, Sunrise realized that he could serve Buddhism no more in China and thoughts turned to spreading the words of Spiritualism and Wildlife preservation to new lands. Following this new mission, Sunrise went further east to Japan and continued to play a role as exalted Holy man on that Island nation. It is said that Sunrise Di’Vu spent his remaining days inspiring men and women of all walk of life to think of Buddhism and their place among earths great cycle of life…. ohh and smoking and boatload of opium.

 A Lasting Legacy.

 Sunrise is directly responsible for much of traditional celebration of the Asian Kneemonster in China and Japan.  He also inadvertently started the war between Snickeris-Kahn  and the Manthorinians for it was  Snugaboo M’an-Thorne who obtained the legendary Meth-Crystal  and set it in a golden Kneemonster inspired motif. This directly inspired by the teachings of sunshine to Snugaboo M’an-Thorne’s forefathers.

 As well, Sunshine’s teachings served as  a major influence in the philosophy and art of the noted Warrior/Philosopher, Mabe-Tzu. It was Mabe-Tzu’s fascination with the Kneemonster as a protector of Buddha which led to the development of Knee-fu and inspired him to model his bamboo submarines after the creature.

 So Concludes our Historic Stalking of Sunrise Di’Vu, for more information on him, please look at “ The Kneemonster Chronicles” coming soon to a bookstore near you.