The Large Lumbering Prehistoric Three Horned Kneeopod

An Expansion in the Family Tree

 Although often overshadowed by the Landmark discovery of the Tyrannokneeosaurus , the discovery of the Three Horned Kneeopod is important in its own right.

 Until this discovery, It was widely accepted that the Kneemonster line had only one track, that of the Tyranakneesosaurus, which itself was only proven definitively with Dr VanMaberly-Hooten’s discovery shortly before.

 Controversy Right from the Start  The significance of the Discovery was clouded at first due in large part to the discoverer of the fossil himself, as demonstrated in this excerpt from the most definitive book on the History of the Kneemonster to date “The Kneemonster Chronicles” Published by none other than the dedicated staff here at National Scientific Stuff Magazine.

Sir Canolli Nickerson of Eftwick

 “It is also important to note that the fossil remains of two of the creatures were discovered by the same archaeologist. The Kneeopod was discovered accidentally when Sir Canoli Nickerson of Eftwick (The noted blind archaeologist) dropped his motor car keys (Licenses, being much easier to obtain in those days) and dug down 2o feet in a desperate but failed attempt to find them.

He discovered the Kneesiosaur when he fell down a well.”

Canolli's Display of the Kneeopod Remains

Despite Dr. Canolli’s disability, he insisted that not only had he discovered two separate animals but also insisted on assembling the remains for display. When it was suggested to Dr. Canolli that it was not two incomplete skeletons, but one complete skeleton, Dr. Canolli haughtily replied “That’s ridiculous, any fool can see that.” The Sad irony laying in the fact that Dr. Canolli himself literally, could not.    

 Round Table Discussion

 This ultimately false premise was angrily defended by Dr. Canolli Nickerson in a round table discussion first aired on the Fort Farkinflat Public Radio station and moderated by none other than Dr. Eva VanMaberley-Hooten. 

 The Panel Consisted of Dr. VanMaberley-Hooten, Dr Canolli Nickerson, Dr Knickerless Nickerson (Not related…unless you consider Ug) and Dr. Josiah Hazeltoniarrgh. In what would be one of the most talked about Radio conferences about something hardly anybody cares about in quite some time.

 Tension was thick in the air to start with due to an old festering wound between Hazletoniarrgh and Knickerless Nickerson about the controversial yet gripping paper released by Dr. Knickerless on the Royal League of the Nasty Dinks. A situation the moderator was scarcely able to control objectively, due to her own altercation with the Dr. Hazeltoniarrgh because of the Bruhaha between the two over the Kneemonster emergence timeline.

 At this point many have asked the obvious question “Why put all of these people in the same room in the first place” But the program director of Fort Farkingflat Public Radio at the time, A man known to us only as “Mr. Springer” was unavailable for comment.

 During what turned into a hotly contentious debate, Dr Canolli , repeatedly insisted that the Kneepod was diminutive bi-pedal creature with either two or three horns and two legs. He further went on to claim that the fossil was NOT a Kneemonster (An assumption that the scientific community at large so firmly believed that it was widely considered a fact) but a brand new species Dr. Canolli dubbed “ The Demi-Kneemonster”

 At this, Dr. Hazletoniarrgh guffawed loudly and chided Dr. Nickerson for not only being blind but “a little on the dense side” at which the moderator Dr. VanMaberley-Hooten scolded Dr. Hazletoniarrgh and rather unprofessionally called him a “Real Dink.” Dr. Hazeltoniarrgh indignantly and aggressively denied that he was any sort of dink, to which Dr. Knickerless replied “That‘s not what my research shows” which left Dr. Hazeltoniarrgh speechless.

 In an effort to bring the discussion back to the matter of the Kneeopod, Dr. Van Maberley-Hooten confronted Dr.Canolli and asked him to explain the seemingly unlikely coincidence that the only fossil remains were the left side of the skull on one animal and the right side of the skull on the other. Dr. Canolli dismissed the challenge, telling Dr. VanMaberley-Hooten that “She was blind to the obvious evidence pointing to the two animal conclusion” and then asked her how many tickle monsters she has found lately.

 Veiled Threats and Clandestine Actions

 The Round Table ended in a verbal Melee that solved nothing in regards to the Kneeopod controversy, but news of the spectacle made the International news wire later on for a variety of reason.

 As mentioned before, following the comment by Dr. Knickerless, not a another word was heard Dr. Hazeltoniarrgh, but witnesses report that he looked directly at both Drs. Knickerless and Van Maberley-Hooten and made a serious of rather cryptic hand gestures at the pair. Dr. Knickerless has subsequently claimed them to be Royal Order of Nasty Dinks symbolic gestures fortelling of misfortune to befall those who view them (A claim vehemently denied by Dr. Hazeltoniarrgh) and Dr. Knickerless responded with one or two not so secret hand gestures of his own.

 Although no repercussions seemed to befall Dr. Knickerless, it was Dr. VanMaberley-Hooten who made headlines by being mysteriously tripped just outside the studio by an “unknown” assailant. Fortunately for Dr. VanMaberley-Hooten, Her fall was broken by Larry Marbles who serendipitously was stumbling towards an interview scheduled to take place that night at the Fort Farkinflat public radio studios concerning the recent popularity of the SICK tribute band, SICK again. 

Alledged Royal League of the Nasty Dink Hand Gesture

Despite this and other Instances where Dr. Canolli stands steadfastly by his “Two animal theory,” the Scientific Community at large subscribes the Three-Horned Kneeopod being a Large lumbering Herbivore with five horns and the customary four legs as recorded in “ The Kneemonster Chronicles” as excerpted here. With the accompanying Illustration.

 “The Three Horned Kneeopod

An Artist's rendering of the Three Horned Kneeopod

This curious creature was also a predominantly a plant eater but seemed to from time to time have a craving for squirrels”

In Conclusion

 Today, the Three Horned Kneeopod stands tall as one of the most magnificent of the great Prehistoric Herbivorous Kneemonsters and The National Scientific Stuff Society anxiously looks forward to further light being shed on this, thus far, mysterious creature.